The Express Lane

I'm in a hurry at the grocery store because anyone that goes to the grocery store with 1 or more kids (in my case 5) knows you need to hurry. If you value your time and sanity hurry is just what you do at the store. Albertson's has made a lane for the hurrier called the "Express Lane". I have actually been fast in that lane. Once. Usually however, I get to hear the lady computer repeat in a delightful voice to me "Unexpected item in bagging area, please remove item." I have not put anything in the bagging area, but one of my children has touched the bagging area. I find my unexpected item, a.k.a. a child, and remove them. To no avail I still hear, "Unexpected item in bagging area" repeated 10 times.

Finally someone comes to help me, they swipe their card while telling me children, a.k.a. unexpected item, should not stand up in a shopping cart. I remove child from cart and tell them to stand still and don't touch anything. Problem solved, I continue checking out trying to be oblivious to the 10 people waiting behind me to use the "Express Lane." This is no easy task when I hear the loud sighs and impatient feet shifting from side to side. I try to finish up when the computer asks have you swiped your preferred card. At Albertson's you have a preferred card so they know who they are ripping off and what you will really pay for something. When other stores charge $1.99 for berries Albertson's charges $6.99, but if you have the "preferred card" you only spend $4.99. You are suppose to be excited to save the $2.00 but somehow I just feel ripped off. Anyway I swipe my card, no dice. I try again and I hear, "Please key in card." I key in card and I get a blank screen and hear the lovely computers voice, "Unexpected item in bagging area, please remove item." Yes, the child that was standing still and not touching anything has touched the bagging area! My baby is crying, the unexpected item is trying to get in the cart by himself. The older children are asking if they can have gum or candy. The people behind me are telling me my boy is getting in the cart by himself. The computer is claiming the unexpected item is in the bagging area. We have been in the express lane for 10 minutes just to get strawberries, bananas, and blueberries. For some reason I don't feel like berries anymore I feel like I need an Advil or maybe a strong sedative. Somehow, we make it to the car. Everyone is buckled and we are ready to go when I hear, "Dallin has a candy bar." I definitely earned a candy bar, but I did not pay for a candy bar. I cannot make myself get out of the car to return the unexpected item. Not to mention the slobbery mess, but I can't allow my children to steal.

If I had gone in the store by myself to return the candy bar and left my kids with Olivia, who is nine, you might have heard a story about the Emmett law enforcement. You do not leave your kids in the car for 30 seconds unattended or you will be talking to an officer. Knowing this from previous experience we went home and I paid for it the next time I went to Albertson's to use the "Express Lane."